The Making Of ...... Me.

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Only In Malaysia

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BOOBs

How BOOBS got their name

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Fuck

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Now Everyone Can Drink

Arriving in a hotel in KL, Uncle Tony went to the bar and asked for a pint of draught Guinness. The barman nodded and said, "That will be RM1 please, Uncle Tony." Somewhat taken aback, Uncle Tony replied, "That's very cheap," and handed over his money.

"Well, we try to stay ahead of the competition", said the barman. "And we are serving free pints every Wednesday evening from 6 until 8. We have the cheapest draught in Asia."

"That is remarkable value" Uncle Tony comments.

"I see you don't seem to have a glass, so you'll probably need one of ours.That will be RM3 please."

Uncle Tony scowled, but paid up. He took his drink and walked towards a seat. "Ah, you want to sit down?" said the barman. "That'll be an extra RM2. You could have pre-book the seat, and it would have only cost you RM1."

"I think you may to be too big for the seat sir, can I ask you to sit in this frame please." Uncle Tony attempts to sit down but the frame is too small and when he can't squeeze in he complains "Nobody would fit in that little frame".

"I'm afraid if you can't fit in the frame you'll have to pay an extra surcharge of RM4 for your seat sir."

Tony swore to himself, but paid up. "I see that you have brought your laptop with you" added the barman. "And since that wasn't pre-booked either, that will be another RM3."

Uncle Tony was so annoyed that he walked back to the bar, slammed his drink on the counter, and yelled, "This is ridiculous, I want to speak to the manager". "Ah, I see you want to use the counter," says the barman, "that will be RM2 please." Uncle's face was red with rage.

"Do you know who I am?"

"Of course I do.” "I've had enough, what sort of Hotel is this? I come in for a quiet drink and you treat me like this. I insist on speaking to a manager!"

"Here is his e-mail address, or if you wish, you can contact him between 9 and 9.10 every morning, Monday to Tuesday at this free phone number. Calls are free, until they are answered, then there is a talking charge of only 10 sen per second provided you use Tune Talk, using other telcos would incur our normal charges of 30 sen per second.”

"I will never use this bar again."

"OK Uncle, but remember, we are the only bar in Asia selling pints for RM1 so that Now Everyone Can Drink!”

Source : email

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Still In The Crate

Olof Swenson, out in his pasture in northern Minnesota, took a lightning-quick kick from a cow, right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said: "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance, Lena, is still a Virgin - in every vay."

The doctor told him" "Olof, I'll have to put your willy in a splint to let it heal & keep it straight. It should be okay next week, but leave it on dere as long as you can." He took four tongue depressors & formed a neat little 4 sided splint & taped it all together, quite an impressive work of art.

Olof mentioned none of this to Lena, married her & they went on their honeymoon to Duluth.

That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful, untouched breasts. She said: "Olof, you're the first vun! No vun has ever seen deez."

Olof immediately dropped his pants & replied, "Look at dis Lena, still in DA CRATE!"

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7651 @ OCBC Cycle Malaysia 2011

Is that me ?

Looks like me, smile like me, spec like me, fitter then me, but it is not me !

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The Miracle of Toilet Paper

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.

Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies.

I stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your 'arse', didn't it?"

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Family Problem

An Indian and an American were sitting in a bar and discussing about their family problems.

Shot after shot.

The Indian said, "We have problem in India. We can't marry the one whom we love. You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely and domesticated girl from a village whom I haven't even met once. We call this an arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love. I told my parents that openly and now have a hell of a lot of family problems."

The American said:

"Talking about love marriages, in America we can marry the one we love.

Let me tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated her for three years.

After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and married

her, so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

Legally now my daughter is my mother and my wife is my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son; my son is my father's brother

and so he is my uncle.

The situation turned worse when my father had a son; now my father's son,

my brother, is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grandfather and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems?"

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Org Chart

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Sam Hui

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City -Vs- Murcielago

Lamborgini Murcielago.City versus Murcielago.



City overtakes Murcielago !

THE POWER of DREAMS.

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My Favourite Color

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Greek Philosophy

Just as relevant today as 399 BC.

In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?"

"Wait a moment," Socrates replied, "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

'Triple filter?" asked the acquaintance.

"That's right," Socrates continued, "Before you talk to me about Diogenes let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "Actually I just heard about it."

"All right," said Socrates, "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?"

"No, on the contrary."

"So," Socrates continued, "You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you're not certain it's true?"

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?"

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was f**king his wife.

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Faceless

M1 : If I were to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you were off playing golf and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us family ?

M2 : Well, I don't know about that, but it sure would make us even.

***

Son : Mom ! What are you and dad doing ?

M : You know your dad has a big tummy, sometimes I have to get on top of it and help flatten it.

Son : You are wasting your time.

M : Why is that ?

Son : Well when you go shopping, the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.

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M1 : Have you tried the new 'rodeo' sex position yet ?

M2 : I haven't even heard of that one, what is it ?

M1 : Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, "Boy, these feel just like your sister's". Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.

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M : If i die, I know you'll eventually remarry. So as soon as I'm gone, I want you to sell all my stuff.

W : Now, why would you want me to do that ?

M : Well, I don't want some other arsehole using all my stuff.

W : What makes you think I'd marry another arsehole ?

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1Malaysia National Teachers Assembly

The Sunday Star 17 Oct 2010 (Front-page)

She made it !

"Wat m i doin here ?"

"1/2 my precious Sat gone"

"My Jalur Gemilang is upside-down"

"I dun need a song sheet"

"I lost my name tag"

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Google Algorithm

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Pick Up Line

BEST AUSSIE PICK UP LINE:

An Aussie walks into a pub and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance then casually looks at his watch for a moment.
The woman notices this and asks, 'Is your date running late?'
'No', he replies,'I just got this new state-of the-art watch, and I was just testing it’
The intrigued woman says, 'a state-of-the-art watch?
''What's so special about it?'
The Aussie explains, 'It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically.'
The lady says, 'What's it telling you now?'
Well, it says you're not wearing any panties.'
The woman giggles and replies 'Well it must be broken because I am wearing panties!'
The Aussie smiles, taps his watch and says, 'Bloody thing's an hour fast!'

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Zorba

Zorba goes apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes - coffee."

"Have you ever been in the military service?
"Yes," he says, "I served for two years."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points towards employment."

Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?"

Zorba says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both of my testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "O.K. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm. You can start tomorrow from 10:00 am every day."

Zorba is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 2:00 pm, why do you want me to start here from10:00 am?"

"This is a government job," the inter-viewer says, "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point you coming in for that."

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2 Nuns

There were two nuns.One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM). The other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most! What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical ! Thank goodness you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both, so he followed me.

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down!!

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